Well.. here goes one. It's not one that is forged out of recent experiences, but rather an accumulation of feelings that have tormented my soul for - well for as long as I can remember. Truth be told, despite always trying to portray myself as an open book, I think those who know me a little better can probably tell that there are some issues I hold within and not speak a word of. I guess it is fair to say this post is simply a calculated mollification from one such issue.
Life as a first born may have its perks, but not everyone understands the pressures and pains that can come with it. These pressures and pains are accentuated even further when the next born is an egocentric blob with an inherent selfishness to boot. And when the so-called 'perks' are non-existent, said pressures and pains can grow to incomparable magnitudes. Of course, the saying goes that there is ALWAYS a way out, and even in this case there is. Escaping is really not very difficult once one finds a semblance of balance in this world - it cannot be, so long the will is strong.
As and if one begins to ponder an escape and the lack of agony that awaits, the shackles built from responsibility begin to appear in sight. As I've grown older, these shackles have only grown stronger.. and I simply cannot see myself breaking free in the near future. The other option would of course be to fix the problem itself, but arrogance born from the fear of persecution makes for a formidable barrier. It's been almost a decade since I recognized the source of the problem and began attempting to mend it.. but all I have managed is to find a definitive and exaggerated example of pure selfishness.
Given the options at this moment in time (as the 'calculated mollification' draws to an end) with all things considered - the shackles look less intimidating than the barrier; if only by the slightest of margins. The question then is, do I act on this, or simply continue to wait?
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