Doors

Tough these times are. While half my head struggles to grasp the reality of this economic downturn and what may lie ahead; the other half is riddled with a daily dose of political drama. So many words lay spoken, yet most don't have the substance to stand on their own and are somehow still audible as they are carried along and amplified by substantial congregations of imprudence.

Shall I simply accept that it is only natural that times like this bring out the worst in men? That even those entrusted with the management of our present and future can err at such times, and not be held liable for their shortcomings? Is it okay if I refuse to jump onto any of the ragged bandwagons on offer thus far? That I have reached a point where I cannot place blind faith on any individuals that masquerade as leaders today, or had so yesterday? That I am sick and tired of political ventures being associated with economic investments, and yearn for statesmen who recognize that politics is a service, and one that the elected few are privileged to carry out?

Perhaps I can take solace in the fact that in the middle and muddle of all this drama, there are still a good number of doors many of us can still ponder upon; if we are willing to seek their respective doorsteps. Although.. I can only pray that the doors we do end up taking lead to many more, and our future generations are not left with a lack of such options.. at least, not too soon.

Filling The Growing Void of Emptiness

Yet again I abandon this barren space. Thoughts are plenty, but my indifferent nature coupled with my overt contemplation of the impact of what I write results in.. well, next to nothing being written here. Why am I so indifferent about so many things? Sometimes it really seems life would be so much easier if I just picked a side on issues without too much thought, yet that really would be out of the realms of my character. Whenever an argument for one side of a debatable issue is brought up, I immediately tend to argue for the other. Perhaps it's a product of my seemingly constant need to appear self-righteous. After all, I have been exposed to and been highly appreciative of such ideals throughout my years growing up.

Perhaps it is this indifferent nature of my thoughts that in fact manifests into my fickleness. When my mind is unoccupied, it is cavitated by thoughts of all the 'what-ifs'.. all those roads that just went by without me ever knowing what life could have been.. and I cannot help but blame my indifference.

Ever so often you might catch me gazing into nothingness, barely a twitch of the eyelids as I contemplate the many things in life. Random thoughts that cover a rather wide range of things. That constant need to know - so often I see its virtue in how it has and continues to shape me as an engineer. If I was to advise another engineer the first thing I'll probably tell him is to never be afraid to think. Yet in retrospect I do realize that there is a tendency to 'over-think' and in effect make things a lot more complicated than they should be. Then again, if it is possible to see those very things in such complicated manners, then perhaps they aren't as simple as we may assume them to be..

Ah, what a beautiful yet torturous dilemma.

P.S: A more 'relevant-to-real-life' post on my new project at work coming up soon. :)

The Excuse for Unpaid Hours

The usual error, the usual excuse. I really can't seem to start blogging on a more regular basis, let alone fix any form of blogging schedule. The days really seem to be pretty random. Not that I am complaining, as that bit of variety in life is simply a wonderful thing to have. Work days haven't changed much though - the usual 12 hours a day, 5 days a week.

Ah yes the 12 hours a day on average. Some stare in disbelief, some question my sanity. I've offered a host of different responses (mostly on a lighter note) but the truth is there are just so many reasons that I don't know where to begin. First there is the fact that I learn so much more by just spending those extra few hours per day at work. I am also able to get more stuff done and as a consequence get more work assigned to me, which simply means so much more experience in a shorter period of time.. Perhaps I overwhelm myself a little at times, but it is those moments that I can look back at and take pride in having traversed.

Next by staying late, I am able to exude my true commitment to the team, as I've always attempted to no matter which team I've worked with. I just feel that much more satisfied when I've given it that extra bit of effort. A happier stroll back home, and a sounder sleep at night. Speaking of happier strolls back home, the fact that I travel by public transportation to and fro plays a part in the equation as well. By going to work a little earlier and leaving later, I escape the hordes of people rushing in and out of the monorail as well as the buses. I usually refrain from pushing myself through crowds to get into the trains even if that's what almost everyone else does, so the whole thing just translates into a shorter, more peaceful journey home for me. :)

If that isn't reason enough, there is the quieter office environment to work in as well as a better opportunity to get to know some of my colleagues who stay back a little better. In addition to this, there is my boss who tends to stay late with us to make sure things get done. Despite everything I might have against her style and manner of management, her commitment to the work is truly exemplary, even without considering her relatively debilitating disability - rheumatoid arthritis. Of course to go with all this, getting back early just means extra hours on the TV and lazing around - at least for the time being (goodness I so need to find myself a LIFE).

Despite all this, one might easily tell me I'm not getting paid for putting in those extra hours every day. True in the short term, and if you only consider the salary as a 'payment.' When I see things in the longer run though, my thoughts become clear; and any doubts on my intentions disappear..

The Little Things

Sometimes we tend to take the little things for granted. The fact is that it is these little things that have and still keep instigating the greatest things in life. Take for instance the knots, holding up a hammock; Or the dots, peppering a novel.. Perhaps even the thoughts.. ah yes thoughts: the foundation of ideas; the core of every change that we humans have brought upon this world.

If only we could all live recognizing the true importance of these little things. Spare a few seconds to observe, and simply appreciate the details that make up our environment today - be it a design of mankind or nature.. And suddenly, life would seem so much more beautiful. In our pursuit of happiness, we'd come to realize what the journey represents. And perhaps.. we could even do away with some of those 'sophisticated' and overrated art galleries (Sorry I couldn't resist the temptation. :D). When we do make it a habit.. and dwell a little further on such a line of thought.. maybe we'll see how humility is not a trait that is too difficult to fathom anymore, regardless of time and age.

* * * * *

I guess I could make an addition now to my 'New Year' resolutions: To be more appreciative of the smaller things that pass me by. Hmmmm..

Me, Defined

Here goes a list, that shall grow with every fact recalled, and slowly clear that cover of shrouding mist..

Principles and Beliefs

• I generally stand strong by my principles because I believe they define me, and forgoing them would mean that I'm basically losing myself.
• I do not enjoy imposing my beliefs on others because I believe everyone has a right to their own unadulterated opinion. Preaching facts, on the other hand is a different matter on its own.
• I always put myself in others' shoes whenever I can (not literally wtf), so I can attempt to understand what underlies their actions.
• I believe in helping people, regardless of their social and biological background.
• I feel human greed underlies the problems and inequalities in this world, and am vehemently opposed to its fruits being disguised as methods of survival.

Likes and Dislikes

• My favorite color is blue - it always has been.
• I am a fan of many sports, and enjoy indulging in it both visually and physically.
• Food that I am aversive to: Eggs, Milk
• I enjoy poetry, and am a big fan of Shakespeare and Wordsworth.
• I enjoy photography, but more so of the environment rather than people.
• I like to analyze how people think and act.
• I enjoy all types of music, except techno.
• I like to people-watch when I have a few minutes to spare at a crowded place (malls, cafeteria etc.)
• I dislike beer, although over the last few months I've grown fond of cocktails.
• My favorite movie genre is comedy.
• I am a sucker for history, especially European and early American history.

Character

• I tend to come off as quiet on a first-impression, although that would change once you get to know me better.
• I love challenges, and am driven by them.
• I always strive to do my level best at everything I put my foot into, and believe that patience and persistence will pay.
• I am always up for adventures, and have a rather good sense of direction.
• I often go into deep thought, and it would seem I am in a parallel universe.
• I have never been in a romantic relationship, to date. I still wait for that one person, expecting what some may see as a fairytale.
• I believe that I can be, perhaps to the surprise of many who know me personally - quite hopelessly romantic.. but then again, I haven't had a chance to express it.
• I used to read a lot as a kid, but stopped because I began to develop my own style of writing, and didn't want it to be compromised by the works of others.
• In general I am not calculative when it comes to money amongst friends, but I also try to make sure I am not underpaying in any way.
• I cannot dance. I am simply horrible at coordinating my bodily movements.

Random

• One day I hope to publish an autobiography entitled "What's In A Name," alluding to my long name that has been the subject of much external interest throughout my life.
• I dream of building a home for my mother at some point in my life, with a garden feature and a rambutan tree. :)

* To be updated from time-to-time *