Of A Birthday..

So another birthday has passed.. leaving me with a head full of reminiscence and a broken bout of reticence. Despite how hard I try to see it as just another day, my mood is lifted on and around my birthday - betraying the placid demeanor I endeavor to exhibit on a daily basis. Which got me thinking; what is it about a birthday that excites me?

Perhaps it is the waves of joyful recollections from the yesteryears. Perhaps it is the well wishes from the many wonderful people I've come to know over the course of my life? Perhaps the humbling realization of how blessed I am to have truly lived another year of my life. Then again... perhaps it is a bit of all - joyful recollections triggered by thoughts of the wonderful people in my life to remind me of how blessed I really am in this life.

Another day it may be.. but one that never fails to bring to mind all that is truly important in life.

Subtle Divergence

Perhaps I traverse an endless trail;
Perhaps my mind wanders through past and present;
Perhaps my heart yearns for a slope ahead;
Perhaps my limbs hope it's a downward one;
Perhaps I stop, to turn and look back;
Perhaps all I can see then are flat paths;
Perhaps I shrug my shoulders and continue along;
Perhaps I see a fork in the path ahead;
Perhaps one trail looks no different from the current one;
Perhaps my gut tells me to take the other;
Perhaps I listen to my clairvoyant belly;
Perhaps I find that elusive slope;
Perhaps I find it to be an upward one;
Perhaps I smile, and stroll on.

Perhaps it is time I rid myself of the uncertainties;
Perhaps I should simply expunge the beginnings.

Perbualan Bersendiri Seorang Putera Tragis

Untuk menjadi, atau tidak menjadi. Itulah persoalannya.
Samada lebih baik ditusuk panahan nasib yang terlampau baik, atau mara menentang kesusahan yang seluas laut.
Dan dengan menentang mengakhirinya!
Mati.. tidur. Tiada lagi! Dan bila dikatakan tidur maksudnya ditamatkan kepedihan hati, dan beribu kejutan semula jadi, yang diwarisi darah daging.
Ianya penyempurnaan, yang ikhlas diharapkan.

Mati.. tidur. Tidur.. barangkali dapat bermimpi. Ya! Itulah pokoknya!
Dalam tidur kematian itu apakah yang mungkin dimimpikan, selepas kita sudah bebas daripada gegelung hidup ini?
Mesti memberi kami rehat seketika.. Itulah tanda hormat.. yang menjadikan musibah hidup yang berlarutan panjangnya.

Maka siapa yang akan menanggung sebatan dan cemuhan masa?
Kesalahan penindas, caci maki orang yang bangga, rasa cinta yang dibenci, kelewatan undang-undang, kebiadaban pejabat dan penghinaan yang kesabaran mewajarkan daripada mereka yang tidak layak. Apabila dia sendiri mungkin menenangkan jiwanya. Dengan sebilah beladau?

Dan siapakah yang akan ditanggung berkas? Untuk mendengus dan berpeluh di bawah kehidupan yang meletihkan. Tapi ketakutan akan sesuatu di sebalik kematian; tiada pemgembara yang pulang.. mencabar azam.. dan membuatkan kita lebih rela menanggung kesakitan yang sedia ada; daripada terbang mencari apa yang tidak dikenali.

Maka suara hati menjadikan kita semua pengecut!
Dan maka warna asli penyelesaian, menyelimuti acuan fikiran yang kabur,
Dan segala perusahaan yang hebat dari segi kepentingan dan empulurnya, berkenaan perkara ini menjadi serba salah; dan hilang nama tindakan.

~ Petikan daripada Tragedi Omlet, Putera Denmark.

Our Powderful English

Some time ago, I mentioned to a group of friends (of fellow Malaysians that is.. not gonna mention names though lol) that I felt some of the best speakers of the English language I've heard are Malaysians. As soon as I made this comment I received blank "do you even know what you're saying?" looks. Of course, then I didn't have anything to back up my observation so I decided to drop the topic... till now. A recent study conducted by the international education company EF (Education First) ranked Malaysia 11th in the world for English proficiency (from 13th in 2012) and - #1 in Asia!

Download the 2013 EF Report here

NST's article on the subject

First post of 2014.. first post in a LONG while.

Oh.. and Happy New Year people.

Experiments

After talking about it for a good half a year - Jon, Ben and I finally got down to combining two of our favourite pastimes in a rather unique way. A friendship that was forged over Scrabble back in high school was fortified over our more recent obsession with cocktails. So it was only going to be a matter of time before we put them together on a weekend meetup. We simply called it - Scraboozling.

The discussion prior to the event was focused on the experimental nature of it, as we concocted hypotheses, control strategy for the variables and even data-acquisition and recording methods. Despite all the planning on controlling the passage of events through the night much like you would in a proper scientific experiment, what we ended up doing was quite different indeed. Random conversations over a string of cocktails. A couple of Scrabble games in between reminiscent of those good ol' days. On my way back home the next morning, I was thinking how the night had turned out as opposed to how we'd planned it - and how I wouldn't have had it any other way. And then it hit me.

I've been meaning to venture into a few things for quite some time now. Very experimental stuff, yet I wanted to do it proper and kept making plans. Plan after plan; some recorded, some forgotten. I even had a number of them listed on my list of resolutions, but despite all the plans I made the fact is I still haven't taken the first step. What deterred me was my fear that my current preoccupations like work and family could get in the way..

So what if my pre-occupations get in the way from time to time? I finally figured I should just start, and let things unfold as time goes by. What comes out of it all may not be what I had expected it to be; but it could very well turn out to be more beautiful than anything I have imagined. Like our Scraboozling night.

So I've taken a step.. not a leap by any stretch of the imagination; a simple step.. and hopefully a few more to follow. It doesn't matter where these steps eventually lead me to.. only that I HAVE taken those steps. I'd have performed.. an experiment. An experience.

Filling The Growing Void of Emptiness

Yet again I abandon this barren space. Thoughts are plenty, but my indifferent nature coupled with my overt contemplation of the impact of what I write results in.. well, next to nothing being written here. Why am I so indifferent about so many things? Sometimes it really seems life would be so much easier if I just picked a side on issues without too much thought, yet that really would be out of the realms of my character. Whenever an argument for one side of a debatable issue is brought up, I immediately tend to argue for the other. Perhaps it's a product of my seemingly constant need to appear self-righteous. After all, I have been exposed to and been highly appreciative of such ideals throughout my years growing up.

Perhaps it is this indifferent nature of my thoughts that in fact manifests into my fickleness. When my mind is unoccupied, it is cavitated by thoughts of all the 'what-ifs'.. all those roads that just went by without me ever knowing what life could have been.. and I cannot help but blame my indifference.

Ever so often you might catch me gazing into nothingness, barely a twitch of the eyelids as I contemplate the many things in life. Random thoughts that cover a rather wide range of things. That constant need to know - so often I see its virtue in how it has and continues to shape me as an engineer. If I was to advise another engineer the first thing I'll probably tell him is to never be afraid to think. Yet in retrospect I do realize that there is a tendency to 'over-think' and in effect make things a lot more complicated than they should be. Then again, if it is possible to see those very things in such complicated manners, then perhaps they aren't as simple as we may assume them to be..

Ah, what a beautiful yet torturous dilemma.

P.S: A more 'relevant-to-real-life' post on my new project at work coming up soon. :)

Muffled Voids

Another year and yet another empty, meaningless Valentine's Day. The only thing that bothers me though is my curiosity, but this I can definitely live with. After a week-long break from the depths of work, life in the office suddenly seemed dull. Something was certainly amiss, and my characteristic drive to work was a mere shadow of itself during the first few days after the break. Things have picked up since, but if my intuition is anything to go by, I can expect a joyride down the hellhole over the next few weeks.

Ambiguous assertions aside, I feel the need to up the ante in my quest to affiliate myself with the world. I spend way too many hours at work these days, yet there isn't much value in those hours for the alternative would simply be more hours watching TV or surfing the net mindlessly. I've always thought of myself as an introvert, and as such have figured that I should have no problems pushing myself. Then why all this procrastination? Why do I lack motivation?

What happened to those days when I went to bed knowing I'd made the most of my hours? I miss that feeling... satisfaction.

The Precipitation of Character

Thinking back, one of the things my blog (or at least what you see of it) has been lacking is personality. I always figured anyone interested in delving into my character simple needed to.. well, read between the lines. Yet thanks to a few comments, I've finally realized that it just isn't enough, and this blog is seemingly deprived of my character.. my true self.. a chance for the reader to know who I really am.

Now of course, the fact that this blog is public has probably subconsciously played a major role. Then again, a narration of my experiences through an apathetic channel would be..a narration, and nothing more.. devoid of life and emotion. Plus it isn't like I have much to hide, or that this blog is even remotely popular. So, I guess from here on I'll do my best to.. ermm.. keep it real.

Now then, where do we begin? There are lots of things that come to mind when I try to think about random stuff that not many people know about me. Hence, a random list of them is in order.. a living one of course, that grows (and perhaps even morphs) with the passage of time, and more importantly thought. Lo and behold, the list is born.

This oughta' be good.. I hope.

Wilting Spirits

Middle of February.. two months into this period of idleness and true enough, not much has really changed. The weather is still chilly, the city is still draped in snow, and the lack of life continues to drain the fraction of hope that remains.. I can't wait for these surroundings to spring back to life.

I'm still devoid of a true affiliation, as the hunt continues. What's more, there is the element of laziness that sets in every now and then. Every night I tell myself to live tomorrow to the fullest, but tomorrow always ends up the same as today. Perhaps I need a schedule, an organizer of sorts. Perhaps I need a mentor, who'd guide me through these dark times. Perhaps I need someone to kick me in the butt and keep me on my toes. Whatever it may be, I need change. And the damned winter that's been bottling me up indoors better ease off soon.

I miss school. I miss classes. I miss mind-boggling assignments.. Assignments. Yeah, perhaps I should give myself a few of those, and then more. To be frank though I have quite a few things lined up in my to-do list, but they all somewhat involve significantly warmer outdoor temperatures. A life of idleness had always tempted me, way back since my early years of schooling; yet now I am beginning to realize that such a life is just not my cup of tea. Holidays were always nice, but now I'm glad they never were too long.

On a more positive note though, I have been spending a lot more time cooking and learning up a variety of recipes. Ah and then there's the Spanish, that doesn't seem to stick. I guess I need someone to converse with in the language. Hmmm... time for a Latino girlfriend perhaps?

Umm.. and I hope this isn't too late, but here's tardy me wishing you a Happy Chinese/Korean New Year and Valentine's. That was quite the eventful weekend, wasn't it?

Summer's End

It seems I didn't manage a final post prior to my departure from KL as I was overwhelmingly swamped with all sorta stuff- from outings with friends and visiting relatives to packing my luggage and trying to keep it within the weight limitations. Twas' with a heavy heart that I had to leave my loved ones yet again, my tears held back by the mere knowledge that I would return to them - sooner or later.

The flight back was nice, but it didn't seem as great as my initial trip back home. A one-day stopover in LA gave Kwong Hann (who was traveling with me) and me a chance to revisit the City of Angels, but little did we know that randomness would prevail.

As soon as we arrived at LAX, we were looking to store away our luggages for a day, to no avail. This resulted in us having to book a room at some hotel called Hacienda, albeit at a really cheap price ($60 for both of us) thanks to a lady at the airport. From there, the plan was to revisit Santa Monica, and perhaps walk along the beach spread against the setting sun - all the way to Venice Beach to catch some of their street performances. After quite some deliberation in search of change for the bus, we finally got onto the bus - only to realize a little while later that it was headed the wrong way! I knew that the other terminal which we were headed towards was Long Beach - a place we failed to visit on our last trip. Hence, we decided to stay on the bus and go all the way to Long Beach, passing through the southern suburbs of LA. What we didn't expect was for the trip to take more than an hour!

Either way, we got there and had no clue as to what attractions were around, especially since we arrived to the city under twilight skies. Unfazed, we simply walked into the nearby Renaissance Hotel and grabbed a booklet to look for attractions and more importantly - a place to eat. To our pleasant surprise, the city around the lagoon is peppered with tons of award-winning restaurants. What perplexed me though was the lack of people around us. The place is really beautiful, and is well-maintained, just how a tourist attraction should be. Yet there was a certain emptiness around us - a rare tranquility within landscapes tamed by mankind.

After walking around and about for half an hour, we finally decided dinner was top priority and decided to hunt down a restaurant, although we were determined to avoid burning a hole in our pockets at one of those award-winning restaurants. After much deliberating (we did that quite a bit that day), we finally decided on Famous Dave's Bar-B-Que. We never heard of the place before but apparently it's a franchise all over the US, stemming from the Midwest! As much as I would love to gloat on and on about this gem of a diner, the bottomline is that you get massive portions of food that you'd probably feel is worth more than what you're paying for - and it tastes incredible! The best part is their original barbeque sauce, which is the best I've tasted all my life. They also have the 'Devil's Spit' which is a spiced-up version of their original base. These sauces make anything they serve taste incredible, plus we had a really nice and friendly waitress to make our dining experience all the more pleasant. Loved it!

During dinner, while flipping through the guidebook from the Renaissance, we found a familiar name in the Queen Mary - holy crap! The much-famed Queen Mary was docked at the lagoon right in Long Beach, and we hadn't the faintest of ideas! After dinner we walked around the lagoon so Kwong Hann could get some nice shots of the spook-ridden ship, but it was way too late for us to get onboard onto the famed decks, let alone catch the Paranormal Tour and other exciting stuff.

From there, we boarded the Metro Train back to the hotel for a few hours of sleep. Indeed it turned out to be an amazing adventure, albeit a short one. Regardless, it was the perfect end to a rather long summer break. Now, I'm onto the final hurdles of my undergraduate days....


Come what may.

30 Minutes of Idleness

I got off the train, finally.. after a journey that I'd define as long, on all dimensions. The intermittent stops certainly didn't help the cause. It was one ride too many for me.. I began to walk towards the fading light, without a thought in my head. Every now and then I skipped a step on my path.. no idea why.. I just did it.. much in the same way I don't know why I kept on walking without crossing the road. Any other day, I'd have crossed over to the other side.. but not on this day. It was too predictable.. I felt the urge to escape that aura of inevitability. So I kept on walking, as the blues were banished beyond darkness. Familiar sights caught my attention at times, yet for most of the walk my gaze was set on the skies before me. "Sure is nice to take a walk like this every now and then," I thought to myself.. and before I could get to the end of that thought, I was home.

- I FREAKING WALKED HOME FROM KTM SENTUL -