Doors

Tough these times are. While half my head struggles to grasp the reality of this economic downturn and what may lie ahead; the other half is riddled with a daily dose of political drama. So many words lay spoken, yet most don't have the substance to stand on their own and are somehow still audible as they are carried along and amplified by substantial congregations of imprudence.

Shall I simply accept that it is only natural that times like this bring out the worst in men? That even those entrusted with the management of our present and future can err at such times, and not be held liable for their shortcomings? Is it okay if I refuse to jump onto any of the ragged bandwagons on offer thus far? That I have reached a point where I cannot place blind faith on any individuals that masquerade as leaders today, or had so yesterday? That I am sick and tired of political ventures being associated with economic investments, and yearn for statesmen who recognize that politics is a service, and one that the elected few are privileged to carry out?

Perhaps I can take solace in the fact that in the middle and muddle of all this drama, there are still a good number of doors many of us can still ponder upon; if we are willing to seek their respective doorsteps. Although.. I can only pray that the doors we do end up taking lead to many more, and our future generations are not left with a lack of such options.. at least, not too soon.

A Bridge Burnt

I can hardly remember the last time I published a post filled with negative emotions.

Well.. here goes one. It's not one that is forged out of recent experiences, but rather an accumulation of feelings that have tormented my soul for - well for as long as I can remember. Truth be told, despite always trying to portray myself as an open book, I think those who know me a little better can probably tell that there are some issues I hold within and not speak a word of. I guess it is fair to say this post is simply a calculated mollification from one such issue.

Life as a first born may have its perks, but not everyone understands the pressures and pains that can come with it. These pressures and pains are accentuated even further when the next born is an egocentric blob with an inherent selfishness to boot. And when the so-called 'perks' are non-existent, said pressures and pains can grow to incomparable magnitudes. Of course, the saying goes that there is ALWAYS a way out, and even in this case there is. Escaping is really not very difficult once one finds a semblance of balance in this world - it cannot be, so long the will is strong.

As and if one begins to ponder an escape and the lack of agony that awaits, the shackles built from responsibility begin to appear in sight. As I've grown older, these shackles have only grown stronger.. and I simply cannot see myself breaking free in the near future. The other option would of course be to fix the problem itself, but arrogance born from the fear of persecution makes for a formidable barrier. It's been almost a decade since I recognized the source of the problem and began attempting to mend it.. but all I have managed is to find a definitive and exaggerated example of pure selfishness.

Given the options at this moment in time (as the 'calculated mollification' draws to an end) with all things considered - the shackles look less intimidating than the barrier; if only by the slightest of margins. The question then is, do I act on this, or simply continue to wait?

Earth Hour - A Point of View

Over the weekend people around the world celebrated Earth Hour, an annual celebration since 2007 where everyone turns off their lights and electrical appliances for an hour in an effort to raise awareness on climate change. On first sight, the idea certainly seems to be a noble one, perhaps even brilliant. In fact, it truly appeals to the masses of simpletons who are tired of hearing about the imminent advent of climate change and see an opportunity to play their little parts in saving the world for the future generations.

So.. an hour without light or any form of electricity. Certainly the light from the moon and the stars wouldn't suffice for today's city-dwellers. For those who decide to just stay indoors - out come the candles. There! There lies one of the major flaws I see in our celebration of Earth Hour. Do we actually think about what we are emitting to the environment by lighting up those candles? Carbon dioxide apart, the low temperature burning of the candle produces a variety of volatile organic compounds (VOCs).. after all, most candles are a product of paraffin wax which in turn is a product of crude oil.

Then there are some who just can't stay indoors in the dark and decide to go out for a drive under the moonlit skies. Unless they're driving some high-end electric car (which come to think of it would defeat the initial purpose of turning off the lights in the first place), that quite easily translates to even more emissions of carbon dioxide to the environment and they'd have played their little parts in welcoming Mr. Climate Change.

Some cities around the world (my home city Kuala Lumpur being one of them) tend to organize mass gatherings during Earth Hour at a public location. On the bright side, they certainly make a stronger statement to the rest of the world in raising awareness.. and perhaps the masses that join can worry a little less on the advent of crime during the hour of darkness. Again candles are lit in the hordes, and there are probably even a few fiery performances (literally, with the fire dancers and fire blowers) just to entertain the crowd. The funny part about all this, is that barring the usage of electricity - we've done almost everything else we can during that one hour to hasten the process of climate change.

Now I'm not going to crunch numbers with some arbitrary assumptions to prove my point. Of course being an engineer I couldn't be satisfied without preliminary calculations, but that I had already done while sitting through one of my environmental lectures back in Chicago. The point I want to make though, is for everyone to simply think for themselves and perhaps even do a little bit of research on the facts rather than just following the hordes..

If you really think about it properly, perhaps you'll see a whole host of alternative ways we can make a difference in mitigating climate change. For example, why can't we celebrate Earth Hour during the day instead? Or better still, make it HOURS. There wouldn't be much of a need for candles, plus we could be cutting down on the actual power guzzlers such as air-conditioning systems. Or how about switching for some time to basic renewable energy sources like running appliances on solar power (and not complain about their intermittency) or travelling on bicycles for a week?

The real point though (at least in my opinion), is that our current over-indulgent lifestyle is taking its toll on the Earth, and the sustainability of our modern-day advancements for the future. It is simply time for all of us (or at the very least, those of us privileged with an education) to think of the future generations, and do what is best over the long run - because short-term (and short-of-thought, if I may add) ideas such as Earth Hour just aren't going to cut it.

Muffled Voids

Another year and yet another empty, meaningless Valentine's Day. The only thing that bothers me though is my curiosity, but this I can definitely live with. After a week-long break from the depths of work, life in the office suddenly seemed dull. Something was certainly amiss, and my characteristic drive to work was a mere shadow of itself during the first few days after the break. Things have picked up since, but if my intuition is anything to go by, I can expect a joyride down the hellhole over the next few weeks.

Ambiguous assertions aside, I feel the need to up the ante in my quest to affiliate myself with the world. I spend way too many hours at work these days, yet there isn't much value in those hours for the alternative would simply be more hours watching TV or surfing the net mindlessly. I've always thought of myself as an introvert, and as such have figured that I should have no problems pushing myself. Then why all this procrastination? Why do I lack motivation?

What happened to those days when I went to bed knowing I'd made the most of my hours? I miss that feeling... satisfaction.

Sowing Seeds

The last week really had been one of my best ones in recent times. Perhaps the last time I felt so light-headed was during my final few days in Chicago.

I think I'm really getting used to how things operate in Aker. The last workweek seemed to be a rather good one, although I foresee my factors of motivation declining very soon. I must keep going though, no?

Then there was the insurance dilemma that finally came to an end with a couple of neat decisions (well 'neat' in my point of view, but time shall judge if it was the right move). I finally feel like I'm beginning to pull my weight in the family. Perhaps.. these few strides will take us a long way.

And just when all was beautiful, He sent me another painful reminder of the impermanence of life. I've also been reminded of the invisible web that I've been living in. If there ever comes a time I need break past the web to move ahead, would I forsake my dreams? Adapt, perhaps?

I simply hope I'll never come to such a juncture..

To A New Year - 2011

Just a few more minutes before we usher in a whole new year. I wonder what this really says about me - sitting home and blogging a few minutes away from New Year's Day. As I sit here pondering, mental pictures of my experiences over the last 365 days flash across my mind in relatively random order.

2010. It really has been a very different year in my life. After spending the last 17 years in formal education, this year began with me being officially unemployed: no more the student; just a jobless graduate. It started out with much excitement, as I looked forward to my first job and giving it my all. Things however didn't go according to plan (quite naturally), and I ended up spending a good third of the year pursuing a lot of non-academic interests. I began experimenting quite a bit with my cooking: from the chicken lasagna and masala chicken to the lemon tarts and vanilla pudding. I also began concocting cocktails, where I truly found an enjoyable hobby and am able to express my creative side (which really is quite limited though.. lol). I also began learning basic Spanish, although I figure not having another Spanish speaker to practice it with hurts my progress (damn where are those senoritas when you need em'??)

Then came the trip back home, where I really ramped up my search for a job. After a short stint with my dad's friends' company, I began formally as a process engineer at Aker Solutions. And lo! Gone were the days where my mind ran free while time seemed to creep ever so slowly. Suddenly.. I began to miss my unemployed days in the US, when everything just seemed so much simpler. In retrospect, those truly represent my halcyon days.

The highlights.. The beginning moments of the year at Las Vegas with Julian, Cheng Khang and Kwong Hann. The surprise birthday celebration in my apartment with a few rounds of Dominion. The totally unexpected fine dining experience at what is now America's No. 1 restaurant, Alinea. The graduation ceremony under rather pleasant Chicago skies. The few hours layover in Istanbul on my way back from Chicago. The dozens of interviews where I had a chance to meet some outstanding individuals. Last but certainly not least: The return to where I was born.. the place I call home.

Goodbye 2010.

Happy New Year everyone!!

The Precipitation of Character

Thinking back, one of the things my blog (or at least what you see of it) has been lacking is personality. I always figured anyone interested in delving into my character simple needed to.. well, read between the lines. Yet thanks to a few comments, I've finally realized that it just isn't enough, and this blog is seemingly deprived of my character.. my true self.. a chance for the reader to know who I really am.

Now of course, the fact that this blog is public has probably subconsciously played a major role. Then again, a narration of my experiences through an apathetic channel would be..a narration, and nothing more.. devoid of life and emotion. Plus it isn't like I have much to hide, or that this blog is even remotely popular. So, I guess from here on I'll do my best to.. ermm.. keep it real.

Now then, where do we begin? There are lots of things that come to mind when I try to think about random stuff that not many people know about me. Hence, a random list of them is in order.. a living one of course, that grows (and perhaps even morphs) with the passage of time, and more importantly thought. Lo and behold, the list is born.

This oughta' be good.. I hope.

Starting Anew

The days away from home are over.. for now at least. Perhaps I'll change those words that has underlined my blog's name for almost 3 years now. Perhaps not.. if my career is to begin away from home, that is. Either way, I have been starved of that perfect job to kickstart my career, so much so I'm even contemplating some wild compromises in my dreams.. Ahhh.. how I wish it wouldn't have to go to that. I must say that pride and ego of mine (or whatever's left of it) has taken quite a beating over the past half a year.. I tend to wonder if I am even good enough..

Tough days these, and such thoughts don't make things any easier. I'll never forget these days though.. and I hope that somewhere in the near future, they serve but to keep my feet firmly on the ground. I will not wilt though.. no, not now. Not ever.

On another note, I owe quite a few friends a round of apologies.. I have been back for quite some time yet I haven't contacted any of you, let alone met up with. Well, partly my pride deems that I get that all-important job first before coming face-to-face with ya'll.. On the other hand, I don't want to deepen this hole I've been digging each passing jobless day through my family's coffers. Heh. How bout' that for some resolve? Call it stupid.. call it a manifestation of my repressed ego.. doesn't change a thing.

Whatever it is the future may hold..
I will not fade, I will not fold..

Perhaps a little on the somber side, but these slow days call for such notes. I promise you a much, much happier post, sooner or later.

Goodbye Chicago

Some of you may be aware of this this.. and some of you may not. I am returning home to Kuala Lumpur once again - this time, perhaps.. for good.

I never thought it would become difficult for me to bade goodbye to this wonderful city that has been.. well my home away from home for the last 3 years. Looking back, the cliche phrase "time really flies" immediately comes to mind.

Memories.. so many of them. I have barely a few days left before I leave this city.. but I will be back here.. sooner or later. There are just too many memories: too many reasons to come back someday. Some of the amazing individuals I've met here though; perhaps we'll never again cross paths.. that in itself is difficult.

But life must go on.. this habit of holding on that has been assimilated in my blood, I must forgo.. and look ahead instead to the promise of more.. yet forget the diverging past I shall not. I WILL not.

Goodbye Chicago.

March-ing On

Opportunities.. what more do I need before they come knocking? Impatience is finally setting in, but I cannot give in. Here's to a more positive outlook..

A couple of weeks ago I went skiing, for the first time. A whole day of it, and I'm still pretty bad at it, especially given how I almost lose control of my left leg at times.. odd, but true. It's tons of fun alright, especially the falling.. Ahh, the joy of falling onto the pure white snow that blankets the mountain. I lost count of the number of times I fell, but I did acquire a sense of control of my skis somewhere along the way. Then there was yesterday's musical at school - the Fantasticks, and old and simple play that is relatively open to interpretation. I was a quarter of an hour late for it, and hence missed the best part of the musical - the rendition of "Try to Remember." Anyway, I thought it was pretty well-staged given the props and infrastructure at their disposal and the fact that they were all students. I still yearn, though to watch a professional musical, and live through that magical experience.

I had also been following the Winter Olympics at Vancouver over the last two weeks. NBC's coverage was pretty disappointing, and the obvious bias in their commentary didn't help matters. Yet the event itself was a great one. This was the first time I really followed the Winter Olympics, and it was quite the learning experience for me as I picked up on the rules of sports such as curling, the dangers of the luge and bobsled, the absurdity of the biathlon, the pure speed of short-track skating and the violent adrenaline of ice hockey.

It's finally March.. is it too much to ask for a little green?

Wilting Spirits

Middle of February.. two months into this period of idleness and true enough, not much has really changed. The weather is still chilly, the city is still draped in snow, and the lack of life continues to drain the fraction of hope that remains.. I can't wait for these surroundings to spring back to life.

I'm still devoid of a true affiliation, as the hunt continues. What's more, there is the element of laziness that sets in every now and then. Every night I tell myself to live tomorrow to the fullest, but tomorrow always ends up the same as today. Perhaps I need a schedule, an organizer of sorts. Perhaps I need a mentor, who'd guide me through these dark times. Perhaps I need someone to kick me in the butt and keep me on my toes. Whatever it may be, I need change. And the damned winter that's been bottling me up indoors better ease off soon.

I miss school. I miss classes. I miss mind-boggling assignments.. Assignments. Yeah, perhaps I should give myself a few of those, and then more. To be frank though I have quite a few things lined up in my to-do list, but they all somewhat involve significantly warmer outdoor temperatures. A life of idleness had always tempted me, way back since my early years of schooling; yet now I am beginning to realize that such a life is just not my cup of tea. Holidays were always nice, but now I'm glad they never were too long.

On a more positive note though, I have been spending a lot more time cooking and learning up a variety of recipes. Ah and then there's the Spanish, that doesn't seem to stick. I guess I need someone to converse with in the language. Hmmm... time for a Latino girlfriend perhaps?

Umm.. and I hope this isn't too late, but here's tardy me wishing you a Happy Chinese/Korean New Year and Valentine's. That was quite the eventful weekend, wasn't it?

The Long And Winding Road

Ola!

The semester finally got to me, and once again I've turned into the disorganized lunatic I was during previous semesters. My diary updates have become sporadic, but its still not as bad as my frequency of updates on this blog. Oddly enough, it's the extra classes (Philosophy of Law & Learning Theory) that are draining most of my time..

Anyway, there's always something significant during the weekends, and here's an update on what the past few have been like..

2nd weekend of September

Trip to Six Flags Great America - my 2nd time! Twas' a lot of fun, although we rode less rides this time. Memorable moments include Alex Ong's constant "Why am i here?" quips as well as Esa's application of Physics II to coaster rides. Oh and of course the Roaring Rapids where we all get wet but some more than others.. heh

3rd weekend of September

This is the weekend when I finally got the T400 out of the box for good (Yeah despite it arriving earlier). There was also a nice little dinner and afterparty at HK's new place (I guess you could consider it his housewarming although his hall was as empty as a karate dojo.. lol)

4th weekend of September

It was Homecoming Week at IIT, and it never is complete without its awesome Homecoming Carnival which was no less awesome this year, despite being held indoors due to weather concerns. Seriously, I was having way too much fun I couldn't be bothered to stop and take photos.. To add to the games there were also a lot of take-home souvenirs this time around, as I got myself a sweet little dogtag and.. *deep breath*.. my first caricature!


If that was not fun enough there was a housewarming party at Harry's place right after. That's where I got a chance to meet some familiar faces (some who I had even mistakenly assumed left the school) and discover how much fun Beer Pong can be!

1st weekend of October (oh heck that would be last week)

Our good old friend Sam paid us a visit from Wisconsin. We had dinner at a nice Italian restaurant, although I ordered something quite ordinary. Kinda wish I could have spent more time with him though after such a long time, but hey.. it's a small world after all ain't it?

As much fun as it has been during the weekends, my weekdays have been quite the opposite as my only claim to entertainment lies in that very series that has kept me going in the past - Bleach! (Speaking of which the subbed version of the 3rd Bleach Movie - Fade To Black is finally out and I must say it is quite awesome.. serves as quite a reminder of what Bleach was in the beginning, and what it always will be)

On a side note, I'm still on the lookout for a job, although my hopes are slowly fading into that bleak gap that is creeping towards me. Uncertainty is annoying, even for a fickle mind. Why am I getting this feeling that my environment is slowly shifting back to a not-so-distant past? It is almost like I'm anticipating déjà vu...

Great! Now that I'm done with this post, you won't be hearing from me again till the semester's end - or you will. Either way, there's still a long way to go before I can even think 'end of semester' and 'winter break'... Goodness gracious me! I don't have a plan for the winter break!! Ah just keep me posted if there are any good, economical plans I could join, although I'm already having this vision of a poor, drab me sitting at home, still scouting for jobs.. *sigh* As for now, I shall return to ponder over my pathetic fall break (and life's irrepressible ironies wtf)..

Hasta' luego!

Reboot

Less than a week to go before I jet off back to the States, and suddenly an overwhelming list of things to do has popped up, and it keeps growing. Unlike last summer, this year's trip home has been rather laid back, as I've been able to put all that time into appreciating the simple pleasures in life. I haven't gone out and met too many friends this time around, let alone relatives. I have been keeping myself up to date, though, on a number of issues - ranging from the H1N1 outbreak to pre-season football scores. I've also done some research on energy efficiency and reducing carbon footprints, trying to see if I could implement any such measures at home.

The Camera Blues
It's been confirmed that there will be no DSLR for me, at least for the time being and I'm not complaining. The Canon I've been using seems good enough for me, and I don't wanna be just another kid getting carried away by the current DSLR hype. Seriously.. way too many people carrying those 6 pounders nowadays! (I just heard a voice reminding me of the 'fox and grapes' story.. or maybe I've just been watching wayy too much House these days)

The Future Blues
A few more days and I'll be starting my final semester. "What then??" - that's the question that has been plaguing my mind in recent times, and will continue to do so till the year's end, unless of course I find a job. What worries me is that I still don't have a vision of what I'll be doing come next year, and it scares the crap outta me. The unemployment rate that's expected to keep rising isn't helping either. This uncertainty is killing me. Help me..

A Rant Against KTM Komuter (Long Due)

"Posted: 2008-08-12 by Thepublic
It's all the bad remarks that you can give to an organization; no efficiency, no protocols, no professionalism and of course with an outstanding remark of an Awful Public Transportation service. At least 6 times a day, the train is late, at least 10 times a week you're stranded in the middle of your journey... it's always "we're sorry for the inconvenience" tone with KTMB. All their sorry's are being washed down the sewer. Something has to be done or it's going to cause KTMB great and it's a total humiliation to our tourism industry.

Wake up KTMB, wake UP!!!" - comment by a noticeably distressed commuter on Complaints Board.

That certainly tells quite a story, but being a regular user of the KTM Komuter service I'd have to classify it as quite an understatement with regards to the current situation.

First let me establish my credibility by detailing my dependence on the KTM system through the years. I began using the KTM during my time at Inti College Subang Jaya. As I live in the northern regions of KL, the most reasonable route was to take a KTM Komuter from Sentul to Subang Jaya. I did this on every weekday; week in-week out, to and fro. Train delays were quite frequent, so I often left home early (friggin 5.30am), normally getting on the first train that leaves the station. My return trips were generally on trains packed to the point of breathlessness, so much so I've seen a woman faint once during the ride.. all that didn't bother me too much though.. I figured the fares were cheap, most of the delays weren't beyond 10 minutes, plus there was a lot of construction going on at the stations and on the tracks.

More than a year of the same story, before I left to the US to pursue my degree. Almost 2 years after that (summer last year), I was back in Malaysia for an internship at Freescale Semiconductors in Sungei Way. My workplace wasn't too far from the Setia Jaya KTM station, so once again I was to depend on the services of KTM. 2 years on and not a single bit of improvement on their services! Train delays were even more frequent and longer. The fares though were still the same. During my 2-month stint, I was late to work a couple of times thanks to the "amazingness" of the KTM Komuter.. my return trips home - I don't even want to get started on it. At this point, I guess I'd honestly describe the services in a similar manner to what 'thePublic' has done above.

This year I'm back in Malaysia again for my summer break, and yes.. I'm yet again dependent on the KTM Komuter, mainly to get me to MidValley and Subang Jaya.. and here I was a year ago thinking it couldn't possibly get any worse. Surprise surprise! They've certainly cut down on the train delays these days, by simply CANCELLING THE ENTIRE TRAIN that's scheduled to run. A year ago they lady on the PA system used to announce the train delay and apologize for the inconvenience (like what the comment above mentioned). Nowadays, the lady simply tells us the train is cancelled, and the next train would arrive in 20 minutes!! I only use the KTM when I'm going to MidValley or Subang these days, and I can swear I've experienced a train cancellation on every trip! Oh and it doesn't stop there.. chances are the next train could be cancelled as well, as I and a quarter of KL's population experienced at the MidValley station once.

It sure seems like the staff of KTM Berhad need an introduction to common sense, because after they cancel the train, they don't even bother to run an extra train, and I guess they believe they've solved the problem by hiring traffic officers at every station who help stuff a few more passengers on every carriage. If you're waiting for a train during peak hours, you better be ready to force your way into the carriages like it's a bloody gold mine, else you would almost certainly be stranded at that station for hours to come.

For God's sake, the least you could do is run a special service between MidValley and KL Sentral (one station, just 2 minutes apart) every time a train get's "cancelled." At least you'd reduce the hordes of people at the stations. If you are indeed cancelling trains purposefully as a cost-cutting measure, then screw you KTM Berhad! I'd rather you increase the bloody fare than do that. I'm sure a whole lotta citizens are willing to pay more for the rides, as long as you provide proper service. We're talking about arguably one of the most extensive public transportation systems in the Klang Valley, so your every action casts quite an image on our country's identity. Not to mention, I've heard numerous foreigners complain about your services at the stations.

There! Alas I've finally ranted out all that pent-up anger and distress. Now I can sleep peacefully, till the petulence and indignance start building again come my next trip on the KTM Komuter..

P.S : I'm still surprised I couldn't find too many online rants against KTM though.. the one I posted above was the only one on Complaints Board by the way.